Lily Evans Not-Journal
by awynn22
Summary: Okay. Lets get this straight. This is NOT a journal. I mean, how crazy would I be to have a journal with james Potter (literally) behind me at all times?
1. The Not-journal

_Lily's journal_ \- IT IS NOT A JOURNAL!

 **And James Potter better** _ **STAY OUT!**_

First Entry on Sept. 13

OOOOOKKKKAAAAAYYYYYY- So this is DEFINITELY NOT a journal. Nope. I mean HOW crazy would that be? I mean with James-freaking-Potter behind me-literally- it would be in EXTREME danger. If he comes over here, I will STAB HIM with this quill. Actually, I kinda hope he does come over… Anyways, this not-journal is going to be my stress reliever. Stress caused by-Alice, stop! Alice! Miranda, help me! _Hello, this is Alice speaking, the admirer of Frank Longbottom, and AMAZING friend of the one and only Lily Evans! Anyways, Lily's sentence goes like this. Stress caused by the second most wonderful, perfect, guy ever- Frank is the first- JAMES POTTER! Crap, Miranda, HOLD HER! Ow- Lily- OW!_

Sorry, Alice-the backstabbing traitor- stole my quill. And Jam-Potter-is the most despicable person ever! _Aww, come on Lily, he's Perfect for you!_ Go away backstabbing, not-journal stealing, James Potter befriending TRAITOR! Also, Miranda, I thought you were with me! **I am, she just said that she would give me a honeydukes chocolate bar if I did it. And James Potter is TERRIBLE. Remus is nicer than him!** Well, of course you would say that,You fancy him. But thanks for agreeing with me! **You're welcome. And I do not fancy Remus, we're just friends.** Whatever you say. So yeah. What I was TRYING to say, before I was very rudely interrupted, was that I have stress caused by James Potter. He is SO despicable, and rude, and an arrogant toerag! _What does that even mean?_ Er, well, I don't actually know, I just heard someone say it once. _Who said it? Cause I want to punch their lights out. Er… I mean thank them for making me endure you call Jam-_ POTTER! _Fine,_ _Potter_ _that for FIVE YEARS!_ **Be a little nicer to the poor fellow, they had to endure it too.** _True…_ Hey, guys, can I have my not-journal back? After all, I did buy it. So continuing, AGAIN, I hate Potter. He sucks. And he makes me wanna just… just… _Snog him?_ EWWWW! NO! My poor lips would be tortured. I was think more kill him, then bring him back to life, then torture him and kill him again. Oh, sweet, I think I scared Alice off! Anyways, today he asked me out. I don't even know why. I told him, "No way, EVER in this life or the next, would I go out with a bullying toerag like you!" So there's today's stress. _Added onto by Alice, of course!_ Yes, Alice, you added some stress to my huge stress load. I'm gonna end here, because Potters looking rather curious…

Second Entry on Sept. 18

So, guess what? Potter asked me out, AGAIN! ARRRGGGHHH! _Aww, c'mon, it was kinda sweet. I wish Frank would do that._ It was not sweet, it was nauseating. Miranda, you agree with me, right? **Yeah. Sorry, I was busy gagging. I think some got caught in my throat.** Honestly, putting COTTON CANDY all over the stairs, and then asking me out at the bottom? Who does that? _James, apparently. But hey, at least no one is allergic to Cotton Candy, right?_ Yeah… and it tastes pretty darn good. **Why does everyone look at me weird when I try to eat it, but when YOU eat it, it's fine? Honestly.** Well, I think it's because these people think that when a guy gives you large amounts of anything, it's all yours. **Thats stupid. I just want some Cotton Candy. Honestly.** _Um, Lily, we have a slight emergency. I think that first year is allergic to the Cotton Candy…_ OH CRAP! **Here comes prefect mode Lily, TO THE RESCUE!** _Wow, what is she doing?_ **NO! Not the Cotton Candy! Why?** _I think she banished it to our room, and then unclogged the firsties throat._ **Oh, SWEET! Cotton Candy, here I come!** _WAIT FOR ME!_ Well, that's done. And, my friends have abandoned me in search of the cotton candy in our dorm, so, I'm gonna rant a bit, okay? So, the Professors are PILING on the homework, and I can barely keep up. And it's gotten a LOT harder since last year. But I can usually finish it before nine-thirty, so I guess that's good. Sev seems really stressed, and doesn't hang out with me much anymore. His friends are, to say the least, creepy Muggleborn haters, who despise me cause I'm top of the class. I'm a prefect, and have to do my prefect duties, which include patrolling until ten. Then you add Potters CONSTANTLY asking me out, and I have an overload of stress. It rocks. So if you could refrain from almost KILLING first years, it would be appreciated. (Sorry, I was talking to Potter.) I'm gonna sign off, I want some cotton candy. I hope Miranda and Alice left some for me.

Third Entry on Sept. 19

THE COTTON CANDY WAS DRUGGED WITH A SLEEPING POTION! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! _I am NO LONGER on Potters side. I had an important meeting this morning, and he made me sleep in, SO I MISSED IT!_ **I HATE HIM! I was going to finish this stupid transfiguration essay, IF HE HADN'T DRUGGED THE COTTON CANDY!** So, yeah. We are all VERY ANGRY at Potter. If he knows what's good for him, he'd better hide. _I change what I said before. I hope Frank NEVER does this. EVER._ So, I will tell you what happens later… He's SO dead. Lemme grab my wand and think of all the jinxes I can…

Sept. 19 (Continued)

Oh, yes, revenge is sweet. Potter and Black now resemble slugs. And they look much better this way. Alice is apologizing to Frank because Potter made her miss her meeting with him. I really hate him. Professor McGonagall is amazing, she understood our plight and so now we don't have to do detention with Filch. Remus is talking to Miranda, who is bright red. I KNEW she liked him! He's complimenting her on her amazing spellwork. She rocks. My homework load increased, but today Professor Flitwick let us finish some homework. **And I finished my essay!** Oh, did you and Remus stop talking? **Obviously. But he says I'm amazing at jelly-legs jinxes.** Is he going to undo them? **Nah. He says they deserve it.** I like Remus. He's always willing to help us out. **Yeah. He's nice. And funny.** Whatever. But Sev seemed more open today, so that's good. And I jinxed Potter, so he didn't get to ask me out! Joy. So, a much better day. I just hope that Alice and Frank are okay…

Fourth Entry on Sept. 21

I am really worried about Alice. She seems depressed, and doesn't even try to steal my quill anymore! **Yeah, and she doesn't stare at Frank anymore. It's depressing.** _I never outright STARED at him, more like stole romantic glances._ ALICE! You stole my quill, and wrote in this! I'm so happy for you! _Wow. Never thought you'd be HAPPY to have me steal your favorite quill… maybe I'll just keep it…_ OKAY, I am VERY glad to have you back, but not THAT much. You will NEVER have this quill! HAHAHAHAHAHA! **Wow, she just got really weird. Like, Weirder than normal Lily weird.** _Yeah. Maybe it's the cotton candy drug._ **But that was AGES ago.** _It was two days ago. And before you start asking questions, we should help Lily._ **Do we HAVE to? It looks like she's having fun.** _Yeah, but she also is being stared at by Potter._ **Oh, CRAP! We have to save her! Okay… plan. Um… punch Potter's lights out?** _Kill him?_ **Let's do that! And how about we enlist Remus?** _I doubt he'll agree, but okay!_ What do you guys need me for? _We need to kill Potter to rescue Lily!_ Um, okay I guess. **You'll do it?** Yup. _SWEET!_ **We're off to save Lily from the evil dragon Potter!** Huzzah! Wow, can't believe I'm actually doing this…


	2. The Dragon Potter

Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters. If you say I do, YOU'RE WRONG!

Sorry for the LONG delay. I had spring break, but here ya go, sorry it's a bit short. Now, to my reviewer!

LunaLovegood21, Thank You SO much! You are my very first reviewer EVER! And he will probably eventually get it. But it won't be for a while, I'm planning on letting her feelings for him expand a little.

Now, ONWARDS!

Fifth Entry on Sept.22

Okay, my friends are officially crazy. I was just embracing my quill loving side. And also, yeah, I think it was the Cotton Candy. Because, really, would I do that? No. Oh! Remus, why are you in here? Well, they recruited me to attack the dragon Potter. And I liked writing in here, so… Well, it's fine with me! And maybe you could help me tell how you killed the dragon Potter. Fine with me. But why don't you ask Alice or Miranda? They have homework, and they're trying to hide from Potter.  . Alright, so I had started laughing evilly, and I had no idea why. So Then I see you come over, Remus, and then you wrote in the journal. Yeah. Then Alice, Miranda, and I charged towards James, Who you were dangerously close to. And then you all yelled simultaneously, "DIE DRAGON POTTER!" Then proceeded to jinx him. Right?Yup. And then he said "OW! Remus, why are you jinxing me, Lily was so close to falling!" And I replied, "Well, that's why I'm jinxing you! Die dragon Potter, Die!" Oh. I didn't hear that bit. Well, thanks! You're Welcome. Then once my friends were done, Potter resembled a real dragon. Then Alice said, "Well, I wasn't expecting that, but, okay! Miranda, Get the sword of Gryffindor to slay this beast!" Then Miranda nodded and raced off, but was stopped by McGonagall coming into the portrait hole. Miranda turned the most appealing shade of red… Remus, do you like her? Um, maybe? Anyways, then McGonagall said, "What is going on here?" And then it all gets a bit fuzzy… I think I blacked out. You did. But what happened is McGonagall saw Jam-POTTER! Okay, Potter, on the floor looking like a dragon. And she EXPLODED. "WHAT HAPPENED HERE?" No one answered, and so she just glared. And then she glared at Peter who burst and told the whole story. So, Long story short, Potter, Me, Alice, Miranda, and Sirius all have dentions. Why Sirius? I honestly don't know. He just looked REALLY guilty. Ahh. That makes sense. Interesting. Does Potter still look like a dragon? Um,Yes, actually. SWEET! Excuse me, Remus, while I get my camera and find the dragon Potter… HeHeHe… Eh. James will be happy enough. She'll be taking pictures of him, after all.

Entry Six on Sept. 23

 _I've Stolen Lily's not-journal for detention. I want to document this for her._ **She's going to be SO mad at you…** _Eh, who cares? Anyways, James-_ **Don't call him that! She's all ready going to be MEGA angry!** _Fine then, POTTER, is still a dragon. And it's not going away until Tuesday!_ **That's a LONG time away. WE ROCK AT SPELLWORK!** _Agreed._ Agreed. **Oh, Hey, Remus.** _**Remus, What are you doing, and who are you writing/talking to?**_ NO ONE. GO AWAY, SIRIUS. _**You're hiding something! I can tell by the all caps writing!**_ I'm just gonna go now… _GET OUT, SIRIUS!_ _ **CRAP! Okay, evil wand lady, I am leaving. Geez. No need to be so rude!**_ _Anyways, We have to clean the owlery._ **Why'd you think that this would be interesting?** _Dunno. just thought Lily would like it._ **Well, it's fairly boring.** _You're right. Let's just end saying that The Dragon Potter is gloating over the fact that Lily took pictures of him, and that Remus is laughing evilly._ **Eh. It's more of an evil chuckle.** _OOOKKKAAYY, ending here. So, Lily, there ya go! Detention with Alice, Miranda, And Co!_ _ **Plus Sirius!**_ _That's what Co means, idiot. All of the extra peoples!_ _**Oh. But it should really be Marauders and Co.**_ **SHADDUP, BLACK!** _Leave, NOW. Before your hair turns a vibrant shade of yellow._ _**NOT YELLOW! I WILL LEAVE, JUST DO NOT THREATEN ME WITH YELLOW!**_

Later on Sept. 23

Wow. Who knew that Blacks worst fear was yellow? And I used a memory charm on him so he has no recollection of this not-journal. HA HA HA HA! I am SO evil. _Yes, yes you are._ **BUT NOT AS EVIL AS ME! HA HA HA HA HA!**


	3. Spinister- Or not?

Sept. 27

I AM BORED! LIKE SOOOO BORED! _Lily, why are you bored?_ You guys haven't done anything remotely odd. SO I AM BORED. REALLY BORED! **Well, we should entertain her. I am quite bored as well.** _You sound a LOT like Remus, Why is that?_ **I have been doing my homework with him, so that is probably why.** Back to the problem at hand, I AM BORED! Geez Lily, calm down. How about I show you where Sirius´ bed is. _Why, exactly do you want to show us where Sirius sleeps?_ So you can turn his bed covers a bright cheery yellow. **I have changed my mind. Remus, YOU are the evil genius.** _Agreed._ Aww, thanks, guys! You flatter me, you really do. OKAY, THEN HURRY UP AND DO IT! I AS A PREFECT, ORDER YOU TO TURN SIRIUS' BEDCOVERS YELLOW! NOW! _Okay, okay, we're going… and you realise you are mistreating your prefect powers?_ WHO CARES? Wait, don't answer that. Anyways, GET GOING! _Alright! Geez. Don't blow up. I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS!_ **Sirius, YOU ARE GOING DOWN!** What they said. Okay, Sirius' bed is to the right of mine. **Wait, we have to walk by your bed?** Um, yeah. **Sorry, I can't go.** _Why can't you go? Is it cause you LURVE HIM?_ Lurve who? Sirius? I'm gonna kill him so dead. Then I will kill his inferi. **It's not Sirius. Its, er, mumblemumblemumble.** _Wow! Who knew you could mumble on paper?_ Now, tell us the truth. Tell us it's MURPH! Who the heck is murph? I am going to find him now. _Lily was TRYING to say that Miranda likes URGH!_ I am going to kill Urgh. And Murph. AND Sirius. All of them. But Miranda likes ARGPH! Miranda, Who do you like? Because I want to congratulate him. AKA: Kill him. _But Remus, you can't kill HURMPH!_ Great, now Hurmph is invincible. Just kill me now. **REMUS! DON'T KILL YOURSELF! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE YOU IF YOU'RE DEAD? Crap. I shouldn't have yelled that, should have I?** Well, it works for me! 'Cause, I LIKE YOU TOO, MIRANDA! **YES!** Wow. They are really happy. Man. Woah. Look, they're snogging! _Wow, they are a perfect couple. Just like me and Frank!_ BY the way, what happened with you a bit ago? _Well, I was supposed to talk with Frank, but you know, cotton candy. So I talked to him, and he seemed to HATE me! Sniff. But then, I was crying, and that really sad soundtrack was playing on the CD player, when he came up, changed the soundtrack to a happy one then said, "Alice, I really like you, and thought you didn't like me. But after you played this sad music and cried, I knew you liked me! So would you go out with me?" And I said "YES!"_ WAHOO! Wait. But now all my friends are dating someone, and I'm not! I will grow to be a sad spinister lady! With NO kids! WHY?

Sept. 28

I am bemoaning my lack of boyfriendness. Maybe if i get desperate enough, Sev will marry me. But then I'll be a sad SNAPE lady. Sorry Sev, but I couldn't marry you. It just wouldn't work out.

Sept. 30

I am still a sad spinister lady. NO ONE LOVES ME! I will die alone. Well, maybe I could accept Potter…. NAH! Who am I kidding? But honestly, he should just leave me to drip in my sad spinisterness. I'd feel much better if he did. So, Potter, if you can hear me, GIVE UP ALREADY, AND LET ME BE A SAD SPINISTER, OKAY? Glad we got that all cleared up!

Oct. 12

Sorry for the LOOOONG delay. But, I AM NO LONGER A SAD SPINISTER! I have an amazing boyfriend named Kaden. He is awesome. And Alice likes him, as well as Miranda! _He is quite charming! BUT FRANK IS SO MUCH BETTER!_ **He's real nice. So's Remus!** All's right with the world. AND POTTER HAS CEASED TO ASK ME OUT! HAHAHAHAHA! _That's her way of saying YAHOO! Kaden is better than that Potter dude._ **Just so you know, not-journal. Hmm. that's fun to say. Not-journal, not-journal, NOT-JOURNAL! Fun. Also, ARE YOU READY FOR HALLOWEEN? I am SO psyched! Remus and I are going as Werewolf and Zombie. It's a play on his "Furry Little Problem".** _Aww. You guys are SO cute! And how'd you figure out the "Furry Little Problem"?_ ' **Bout 4th year. You?** _Same here. But me and Frank are going as Warrior Prince and Princess. HI-YAH!_ Awesome! Kaden and I are going as Elves. Lord of the Rings elves. _Lord of the Rings is AWESOME!_ **Yeah, but the Hobbit movies are SWEET!** Agreed. Now, I HAVE A DATE WITH THE BESTEST BOYFRIEND EVER! _No, I do!_ **No, I do!** Well, I have the bestest girlfriend ever. AWWW! You guys are so sweet! _Agreed. Now, we must go!_ I'll tell you how Kaden asked me out later, not-journal. Wow, Miranda was right. That IS fun to say!

Sorry for the long delay, hopefully this works for ya! Thanks for reading, and REVEIW!

-awynn22


	4. Yellow is EVERYWHERE!

Oct. 13

Okay, I'm here to keep my promise to you. How Kaden asked me out. So, I was just hanging around, being all sad and Spinister-y, when Kaden popped up and said, "Hey, Lily, wanna go out with me?" Isn't that just SO CUTE? _Compared to Potter's TERRIBLE asking out abilities, Yes._ **TRUE. Also, Remus asked me if we ever did the whole 'Turning Sirius' Bed stuff yellow thing?'** Um… No. LET'S DO IT! _Okay!_ **Miranda is IN!** _Excuse us, Not-Journal, but we have some plotting to do._

Oct.13 (Later)

LISTEN! LISTEN! SIRIUS IS SCREAMING! Such a lovely sound, eh? I think so! Also, Jam-POTTER, is screaming. Turns out that yellow paint on your glasses makes Sirius attack you. WHO KNEW? Um, Me? Go AWAY, Remus, I am reveling. Okay. _DO YOU HEAR THAT?_ **What?** _Sirius just RIPPED his favorite shirt!_ **Man, when he comes out of his rage he will be sad.** And we will be in GREAT danger. _True. But I DON'T PARTICULARLY CARE!_ HUZZAH! **How we did this AMAZING prank?** _Lots and lots of Yellow spray paint._ Also, just normal paint. **And magic. LOTS of magic.** _True. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!_ I have to admit, it was a good prank. **Why, thank you, mister supreme pranker!** You're welcome! Remus, I told you to GO AWAY! **Lily, be NICE to my boyfriend. He is staying.** I can leave if you want me to. **Thanks, Remus,YOU ROCK!** _ICK! Gross sappy stuff._ That was NOT sappy. you and Frank are sappy. _HURMPH. I'm leaving._ **I'm leaving too.** Same. Geez. just abandon me, why won't you? I'm leaving too! What do ya think about THAT? Right. They already left. I'll just talk to myself. LALALALALALALALA. I'm bored. I'm leaving for reals. Okay, not- journal, see ya on Halloween! Yay!

I AM SOOOO sorry for delaying this so long. I just like reading FanFiction more than writing it, I guess. Hope you enjoyed, and PLEASE review! If you do it, Sirius will give you his favorite shirt. (It might be slightly ripped.) -awynn22


	5. James Potter is an IDIOT!

Oct. 31

I HATE FREAKING JAMES POTTER! _Um, Lily, I'm as mad as you are, but maybe you should explain why you hate Potter? Miranda didn't find out._ **What are we talking about?** A way to kill a certain James Potter. Painfully kill him. _I will help you._ **WHAT HAPPENED? I HATE being left out of the loop. HATE it.** Well, it all started first year… _Whoa, Lily, a little sooner, please?_ Fine. But I have hated him since then. _True. Start at this morning._ Okay. So, this morning…

"Hey, Lily, what's up?"

"Not much. Just getting ready for the Halloween Ball!"

"Sweet. Who're you going with?"

"My boyfriend-" Cue the IDIOT James Potter.

"James Potter!"

"What? NO! I'm going with-"

"Lily, stop denying it! YOU'RE GOING WITH ME!"

"I'm going with Kaden! KADEN! My boyfriend!" By now, Lila Redments has started to step away from James. ( _I think she was stepping away from you, Lily._ Be quiet, I'M telling the story.)

"Lila, I SWEAR that I am going with Kaden." She seemed reassured. Until an ENTIRE swarm of JPITB (James Potter Is The Best) fangirls came down, attacking me!

"YOU CANNOT GO TO THE HALLOWEEN BALL WITH JAMES POTTER!" They yelled loudly.

I winced, and hoped that I wouldn't die. BUT THEN, along comes my hero, Kaden!

"WOAH! Calm down!" Everyone calmed down. "Lily is going to the ball with ME. Right, Lily?"

I nodded.

"Okay, then. Don't kill her, or me, or Lila. Take James, though!" ( _He didn't say that, did he?_ He did. Potter was ticked.) Then we walked away. **Well, that's not too bad, then.** But it is! **True. Hey, Kadens looking at you!** I'm gonna see what he wants!

Oct.31 (Later)

 _SOOOO, what did Kaden say?_ He-he said,

"Lily, I really like you, but, with Potter trying to split us up, well, It just won't work out." **THE JERK!** No, Miranda, James is the jerk. Because he came in and heard the ENTIRE conversation. **This can't end good.** _No, it can't._ Because then, he told the entire school that Kaden dumped me. **THE FREAKING IDIOT JERK FACE POTTER!** I know, right? But then I said,

"What? But, Kaden, we already have our outfits and everything! Who will you go with instead?" And then, he looked straight at Lila. Who was with him still. Should have been an indication, I guess.

"So, Lila. You, me, dance? We can go as Elves." Lila looked at me, sadly, seeming to be asking if it was okay. I nodded.

"Sure. But, let's not go as Elves. I have pirate costumes instead." **I like Lila.** _Same here._ Yeah. She's cool. **I see why you hate Potter, but is there possibly more to the story?** _I'm guessing there is._ SHH. I'm TRYING to tell you the SADDEST part! _What?_ James Potter said,

"Well, Lily, since you don't have a date to the ball, wanna go with me?" LIKE HE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! **I'M READY TO DISEMBOWEL HIM RIGHT NOW!** _And I will CASTRATE him!_ Thanks, guys. But right now, I just want to Jinx Potter, then go to bed. _What about the dance?_ I'm NOT going. **Why not?** BECAUSE I'M BOYFRIENDLESS! **Well, plenty of girls are going stag.** _Good idea, Miranda! You will go-_ **And you will shine!** _You'll be the prettiest elvish princess around!_ **So, let's jinx Potter, then let you sleep, then make you THE ELVISH PRINCESS!** _BAM! Take THAT, Kaden and Potter!_ Thanks, guys. This means A LOT to me. Now, off to jinx Potter! HUZZAH! **HUZZAH!** _HUZZAH!_

Okay, hope you people like it! Please let me know you're out there, and REVIEW! If you do, you will get a choice of Kind James, who smiles and laughs with you, Marauder James, who pranks you and your enemies, or Odd James, who looks like a dragon occasionally, and is just plain crazy. Thanks for reading!

-awynn22


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